You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
false alarm, still single
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