dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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