Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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