don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
