Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
