Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
