my text book just quoted the cookie monster
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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