And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
ugly people sure do ruin things
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
