I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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