I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Someone shattered a urinal.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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