wanna go halves on a baby?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
