how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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