Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
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so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
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i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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