shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
