he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He felt like a one man threesome
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
