The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
