Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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