Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm really busy with my period
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