turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
