i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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