nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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