the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
