her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
