its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
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I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
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I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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