ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
