aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
