He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
