I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I supernannyed him into submission
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
