Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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