If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
