I feel great
I just peed on a car
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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