i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
