My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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