my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
