I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
