the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
