Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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