I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I will pee on everything he values.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
