What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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