If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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