Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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