he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
