Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
