I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he fucked my hip out of place.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
