five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We had to coat check the pizza.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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