Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think I am morally bankrupt
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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