Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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