in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
