Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
