guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
