I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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