Her vagina should come with caution tape.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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