from now on my penis is your penis
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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