Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
