i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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