Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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