As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
