the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize