Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
