i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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