is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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