I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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