I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
