New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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