Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
