Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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