I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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