It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
