We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Randomize
