We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
