so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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