there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
