i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
