Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
