Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
