oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
