Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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