It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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