he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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