i think my tv is drunk
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
